A Dangerous, Deranged Producer in LA

So, I had Produced a feature film and now needed to sell it (Details here www.TheOnlyHotel.co.uk). What to do? AFM (The American Film Market) was due in about five weeks in Santa Monica. By all accounts, it's the biggest film market in the world. Right, if I want sell, that's the place to go.

So, I do a quick search and very quickly discover their website www.afma.com/AFM/home.html where I learn a weekly pass is going to cost me USD775. Mmmm, am I in the market for a colonic?

After much soul searching and er…savage amounts of JD, I decide that if I seriously want to get this film sold, I've got to get out there. The plan I come up with is simple; get out there a couple of weeks early, screen it for the big boys at a prestigious flick house, one of them will pick it up, and I can swan about AFM like some fat cat.

The next morning, still under the influence, I Zip into lastminute.com and find a flight for UKP260 return - wow! So far so good. Book it. Wife stabs me. Lay on floor gushing thinned out blood screaming, 'Of course I was going to bring you!' After she calms down, she puts her toe on the wound to stem the flow and a week later I'm back to good old happy-go-lucky.

Myself and Elena, my PA, go through the HCD (Hollywood Creatives Directory - more info here: www.hcdonline.com/) and target all distributors and sales agents that are interested in thriller/fantasy, the genre of my film. While Elena starts emailing them, I, with the help of Echo, a friend in LA, I track down a cinema that will rent me the screen for USD250 - bargain!

We emailed roughly 200 companies. 8 Confirmed they would attend. What! Eight! So I tell Elena to keep bashing away. In the meantime, I get some VHS screeners prepared....in PAL. Ah we live an learn. Americans don't seem to be able to handle PAL I'm told. Then, via Shooting People, I hook up with Peter Silver (www.streetsaheadtv.com) who magically converts my beta SP to DVD NTSC!

Packed, DVDs, next project FLAKE CITY ready to go and off to Heathrow. I arrive a couple of hours before time. Check-in smile sweetly and say that I don't have an electronic ticket! ‘What! My confirmation says electronic!’ I yell dangerously, eyes bloodshot and wild. Suddenly realize my volume and notice that armed police are looking my way, fingers twitching at the trigger and a Clint-glint in their eye.

Instant tone down. ‘Erm, yes well, can we sort it out please miss?’

‘Certainly sir. Just go over to ticketing and they should be able to fix you right up.’

After a second queue for half an hour, I go to the ticket desk who tell me nope, it's a paper ticket and they haven't delivered it yet. LA starts to melt into the ether. But at least an hour to go. Time ticks buy and the mistake is corrected 10 mins before departure. I leg it off to the plane and away!

By the way, American Airlines stink (The Airline NOT ALL American Airlines). You have to pay for your booze as well! Fortunately, I'd brought my own bottle of classy bubbly (Well, Cava – classy for a producer of my caliber don’t you know). I'm half way through quaffing it happily and suddenly one of the stewards leans into to me and, ‘Excuse me sir (good start), you are not allowed to drink your own alcohol on the plane (getting worse) and if you persist, federal law dictates that you can be prosecuted on landing’.

‘Err, you mean’, I respond jovially,’ that it’s okay to get stinking drunk and run naked into the cockpit waving my weapon as long as I pay you for the booze?’

Let’s just say I stopped drinking at that point. There's an airline begging never to be used again.

10 hours later I'm in LA. Bright and sunny, cheesy white smiles everywhere. Yep, it's defo Hollywood. Echo picks me up in no time we're at her place and I'm settled in.

First up is arrange a meeting with Jake Busey him as he has expressed interest in FLAKE CITY. We meet in a swanky hotel along with his manager. An hour later Jake and manager confirm their attachment - FANTASTIC! I know this will help in the battle for finance.

The day of the screening arrives. I'm there an hour early. The film has arrived safely thanks to Bucks Lab (www.bucks.co.uk), and I'm ready for the onslaught. Outside it's torrential rain - perfect for a Brit Flick. 4 distributors show - 4!!! When I tell people later they say, 'Wow! That's a turnout'. But the thing I learn is never to try screening 10 days before AFM. So, one distributor says they love it and will call! WHoooooopeeeeeee!

Next day, no call. Slit writs. But I do get an email from Shoreline Entertainment who couldn't make it to the screening. Have I got a screener? A courier picks it up an hour later. 2 Hours after that, I get a call. 'Yep, we love it and want it!'

Two days of legal hell follow. But, (thanks to the help of Carl Clifton, Albion Gee and Vic Bateman), the day before AFM opens, we sign. I can relax and spend my time at AFM pushing the buyers to Shoreline and pitch my next project.

The Lowes Hotel is quite impressive. Overlooking the beech at Santa Monica, with a pool in the centre of the large courtyard. Very suave. As I walk through the doors, the lobby is all a buzz. All kinds of people, buyers, exhibitors, press, producers, directors, actors (none famous though) all milling around and chatting. I head to Shoreline's suite to chat with the guys. After a coffee, I pick up the Screen product guide. They're free and lists all the exhibitors by company alphabetically and what films they are selling. It also gives you the room numbers. It's a great tool to keep track of who you have talked to.

So, I spend the entire market networking, pressing flesh and trying to drum up interest in FLAKE CITY. After a week of this intense activity, I met lots of 'money' people, dropped off scripts and am now busily chasing them up. No joy so far, but keep your eye out.

Other tips: Don't get suckered into to buying the USD100 parking ticket like I did. It's true it can save you money if you park in the centre of Santa Monica, but if you don't mind parking at the beech car park, that's only USD5 a day. Much cheaper and 5 minutes walk from the Lowes.

Book your flight and car rental through Lastminute.com - I couldn't find it cheaper anywhere else.

If you want a good deal on a hotel in Santa Monica, book 3 months in advance. Or stay in LA and drive the 30 mins in every day as I did. However, Santa Monica is definitely the place to stay. Pretty, good restaurants, lovely promenade, the odd blast of a 45. Charm.

Well, hope you enjoyed the show.

Ivan Francis Clements
Producer
ivan@HollywoodOrBust.com